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Two days left until I scoot off to England! This week has been nuts but awesome. Friday my friend Andy had a going away party thing for me. Tino, Nick and Samit showed up and we all played some Rock Band 2 and had a bit to drink. It was so awesome that people were able to show up.

Sunday, Nick, Erik Ferris and Angie all helped me move furniture and stuff out of my apt. Thank god they did, I never could have done it myself. It was weird but awesome that I could introduce three of my friends to each other for the first time and they all really got along. Moving stuff was crazy but we all had a lot of fun too. Or maybe it was just fun for me, because I wasn't doing a lot of heavy lifting.

Today Angie helped me with the last of the moving. You know, after she and Sam donated blood. Angie must be a damn blood factory, because she didn't seem faint at all after moving a futon, box spring mattress, desk, and two bookcases.

So now that most of my stuff is moved out of the apt, I am finally more excited than nervous about going to England. Five months...wow. I'm going to miss so much in America. Except for the stupid people and reality TV. Definitely not going to miss either of those.

Tomorrow I'm canceling my cellphone, internet service, and electric at the apartment. Then Thursday, I leave at 5:30 for England! Well, technically for Copenhagen in Denmark for my connecting flight to England, but whatever. Now I just need to learn how to say "Please help me, I'm lost" in Danish.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Holy crap it's been a while since I wrote here. Life is life and as usual, it's amazing. John (my super awesome British boyfriend) came over from Manchester to visit me last week. He said he couldn't wait to come to American and fall in love with me all over again :) Good boyfriend, or best boyfriend? He got me an amazing silver necklace for Christmas, the nicest piece of jewelry anyone's ever bought me. He also cooked for me a bit while he was over (his homemade tomato sauce was rad!). I think he's right, I have been dating jerks.

We spent a lot of time in the city. One day with my parents being super touristy, then a couple days with mutual friends being super drunk. Fun times were had by all (even though it was cold).

I had three writing jobs before (Ripten, Negative Gamer, and Japanator) but I had to quit Ripten because the editor was outright rude to me. Oh well, stuff happens. The good news is that I can keep writing for Japanator while in England, hooray for having an income! Sure, I won't be able to spend that money in England, but it will be nice to have a bit saved up for when I get home

Nervous and excited about my upcoming semester at Edge Hill Uni! I still can't even believe that it's real. It's going to be way awesome. Angie and I have been trying to spend a lot of time together, since five months is a long time to be apart (even for best friends). Seeing as we've known each other for 10 years, I think we'll be ok ^__^ Who is going to make me fat off of Cheesecake Factory food? Who is going to come over, roll her eyes and do my dishes? Who is going to kill zombies with me and be excited over stupid things with me? It'll be tough, but...I'll manage somehow.

I'm trying to get together with as many people as I can while packing and moving everything in my apartment for storage. Saw some of my old high school friends like the Fay brothers, Alison Von Dollen, Jimmy Van and the Strandaliers, Adam Went, Katie Pace, Liv Goryn and Mr. Colin "Awesomeface" Murry (as well as all of their s/o's). So crazy thinking about how many of my friends are already engaged. A few days ago I got a call from Ledd, and we spent a couple hours just talking about life and it was nice. I think he felt bad that he couldn't see me. I'm not sure whether it was just because he was busy or the whole girlfriend thing. It's kind of dumb because when they got back together, I warned him that she wouldn't let him hang out with me (not without good reason, for course) but he said no, she had changed, promised it wouldn't be a big deal, blah blah blah. Whatever. If he's so whipped by his girlfriend that he can't hang out with other females, then that's his problem, not mine. Very cool that he's really doing a lot of writing and stuff about cars, since it's such a deep passion for him. He seemed really excited about the prospect of getting out of Jersey and going somewhere more awesome like California.

I missed the party at Joe's store because I went to my aunt and uncle's for a late Christmas celebration. They're some pretty cool people. The women (Fran, Mom and I) sat around and chatted while the boys (Tom, Steve, and Little Tommy) played video games. It's so funny to watch my family try to play Guitar Hero. They're so unbelievably bad, it's funny.

But Joe is having some sort of New Year's thing at his store, so wooo! I get to see everyone again before I run off across the pond! I'll miss everyone in Jersey, but I think England is going to be so amazing. I'm also staying in England an extra couple weeks, and I'll be living with John in Manchester. HELL YEAH! It will be amazing.

Anyway, I'm super tired from all the friend craziness today, so I'm going to pop in a Disney movie and fall asleep. Night all :)
 
 
 
 
 
 
keeping me up at night. Ugh.

Life has been super busy. I missed a week of school due to laryngitis, then got hired as a writer on Ripten.com and started as a co-host on a podcast. I have so much to catch up on it's silly ;_; But all of my teachers are super awesome this semester, so it's ok :)

I just need to keep working hard, and this coming Christmas season I will get the best present of all. John is coming from England to see me, hooray! I never thought I'd be able to handle a long distance relationship like this, but it really isn't that bad at all, since we're both online a lot and talk over Skype almost every day. He's so awesome and I can't wait for him to meet some of my friends here <3

Going through a couple difficulties here and there, but I just need to push through. At least I finally got my phone re-activated ;_; I just need to work a little bit harder and things will be ok :)

I miss hanging out with friends, but I've been stupidly busy. One stop at a time, that's all...
 
 
 
 
 
 
haha, that will hopefully be the Rock Band band I'm joining as soon as I get RB2.

Whew, so after my little vent I feel SO much better. I need to write here more often or I'll end up exploding like that again.

School is going pretty well so far, all of my classes are awesome except for my sociology class. We're pretty much just going over all of the shit I learned in Psych 101 5 years ago. I got a 5 on that damned AP junior year of high school and I'd rather not take the class again. Urgh.

I've also been kind of a dick lately and holing myself up in my apartment. I'm sorry to all my friends I have been blowing off (especially you, Mike). I've been a bit busy writing for NegativeGamer.com and trying to keep up with all the video game news in the world ;_; No mean feat, I assure you.

Fuck! I also forgot that Angie texted me the other day saying she was in possession of 10 boxes of brownies...whatever that means. She's going to give me diabetes, that girl.

So, I may have to resort to some sort of retail job...ugh. I hate that junk. Maybe I'll try to get work at one of the computer centers at school...better than minimum wage, any day.

So ends my mini-update.

Also, for Gloria..my cosplay:
 
 
 
 
 
 
So life is nuts as usual. Ledd and I stopped talking; a long story that I would rather not relive. Long story short, he was pissed off at the fact that when he got back from CA he was ready to be in a relationship with me but he was too. fucking. late. So about 3 days later he's dating Kym again, meaning that all that love bullshit he told me was just that: bullshit.

After me blocking him for about a week I was starting to forget about the whole thing and move on with my life when lo and behold! who should I get a phone call from? It's Ledd, saying that HE can't move on with his life without apologizing to me. How unbelievably selfish of him. He knew I didn't want to talk to him at all but he still felt the need to force his feelings of guilt on me. I told him we could be friends but I needed space. So, since then he has contacted me through phone call or IM almost every day.

All I've done for the whole summer is listen to him bitch and moan about how much his life sucks, trying to be supportive of him while he pursued Kym. Then suddenly he expects ME to want a relationship with him? How can he say to me that all he wanted when he got back was to be with me, then get back together with Kym a week later? He said it was because he felt "so betrayed," but I think that's bullshit. When he broke up with me to work out his issues with Kym I couldn't even think about seeing another guy for at least two months. I bet he hasn't even told Kym that I was his first choice.

He thinks things can just go back to being the way they were, and it's such a selfish wish. He still wants to attention of two girls, he doesn't even fucking care how badly he broke my heart. I slept under a bed for 4 hours for this guy, I made him meals, I brought him soup when he was sick, left notes on his car when he was feeling sad. I poured my soul into this relationship and it sucks to know that he didn't care about me that much. How can I sit next to him on a couch, knowing everything he ever told me when we were dating was a huge lie? How can I hang out with everyone without them feeling uncomfortable about how badly he screwed me over? They all really enjoyed hanging out with me, shooting air soft or playing CoD or hanging out at Mistuwa.

And how does he expect it not to be awkward for Kym as well? I can't pretend I know her, but if I were her I'm not sure I'd be ok with my boyfriend hanging out with his ex. We said we loved each other, bought each other gifts, and he said he had never been happier in his life. I wouldn't hold it against her if she didn't want to him to see me anymore.

In truth, I think Ledd needs me far more than I need him. He needs me to balance out the fact that Kym still hangs out with the guy she was dating. Fuck that. I'm not a bargaining chip or counterbalance, I'm a human being. Also, what would stop him from lying to me the way he lied to Kym? It's just not worth it.

Ledd says he's changed but he's exactly the same: he made an impulsive decision to get back together with Kym after an emotional reaction to me. Just like he impulsively started dating me right after he broke up with Kym (even though I told him we should wait). His way of dealing with sadness is to use a girl to forget. I don't think, after 5+ years with Kym, he even knows how to function alone.

Again, maybe someday I can be friends with him but not until he stops selfishly trying to drag me back into his life without regard to my feelings at all. I'm of tired of the amount of disrespect he has given me, not as a romantic interest but as a friend. Canceling plans on a regular basis, venting to me all the time then FREAKING OUT when I try to talk about my feelings, continuing to be affectionate with me after I expressly said I was uncomfortable with it...I just can't handle it anymore. I've reached my breaking point. And the messed up thing is, I don't even think he has one bit of understanding as to the damage he's done.
 
 
 
 
 
 
So the past couple of days has been super sucky. Long story short I got my stuff back last night. Also, lip gloss exploded in my purse yesterday, so I had to get rid of my wallet and purse (both of which I was very attached to.

Today, I got up at 8 o' clock and spent two and a half hours at the DMV renewing my license and getting my car inspected. My car failed inspection because of the cracked front pipe. So there's a big red sticker on my car that says "rejected."

Then on the way to work, my back tire blew out. Big hole in the side of it. Luckily, Ryan was able to change my tire for me. Bu I need to get a new tire by Saturday evening :(

On the upside, Angie is coming over and we're going to back cookies and have girl talk, hooray!
 
 
 
 
 
 
To Liv, Mike, Gloria, or anyone else who does sewing cosplay:

I need help putting together a cosplay outfit. One of my requests is pretty simple: I'm buying a pink cardigan sweater and I need the buttons taken off and a zipper put in.



The second request is a little more difficult. I need help putting the white arrow pattern on black knee socks. From the advice of other cosplayers, the best method is apparently to paint the pattern on the socks while someone is wearing them.

Deadline is two weeks, but given the nature of what needs to get done it shouldn't be a big deal...right?
 
 
 
 
 
 
Yeah so I went to sleep at 1 last night, and woke up at 11 am today. Normal right? Except, even after eating, my blood sugar was low and I passed out from 4 pm until midnight. WHAT THE FUCK.

Work was fun Friday since Joe has a program that allows him to monitor what's going happening on the work computer/register. I was searching something on eBay (we price some retro stuff by checking the eBay sell prices) and Joe typed into the search bar: "CHEEEELSEEEEEEA!" I swear I would have freaked me out so bad if I didn't know what was going on. Joe was slightly tipsy off wine and we had a typed conversation in Microsoft word. I love my job.

*sigh* It sucks that when summer ends, so will my employment at Digital Press. I really like working there. Ah well..it can't be helped.

I keep getting invited to go out to parties but I just don't feel up to it. I need to clean my apt up so I can call my superintendent. While I was in the shower, a wall tile fell off -_- It's freaking stupid because whoever set the tiles did so very poorly. When the grout started getting rotten and weak, someone just PUT NEW GROUT OVER the old grout. Bad stuff, at that. Every time I clean the tiles in the shower the grout starts to come off. Only one tile has fallen off so far but there are a couple popping out that I know are barely hanging in there. Graaah.

Who else is planning on watching the meteor shower Monday night/Tuesday morning?
 
 
 
 
 
 
I love my job, but it would be awesome if I didn't get hit on so much. It gets old after a while.
 
 
 
 
 
 
I didn't realize it until now, but I think writing in this journal really is what cheers me up. Even when things aren't going well, as soon as a write here my problems grow wings and fly away.

I've been listening to a lot of the newest Barenaked Ladies album, Barenaked Ladies Are Men. I really do enjoy it but when I listen to the songs, they just don't reach me as powerfully as "Everything to Everyone." I've pretty much skipped over the album in between except for the song Sound of Your Voice because it really brings me back to some of their older stuff from Born on A Pirate Ship. Their older stuff was a lot more quirky, then they kind of broke into a new style in Everything to Everyone, but I really dug it and the album felt like it was full off all of the songs they wanted to write but couldn't. I still cry when I listen to the song War On Drugs. All of their albums are great of course, but if I had to pick a favorite it would be a tie between Gordon, Born on A Pirate Ship and Everything to Everyone. Gordon was fun, Born on A Pirate Ship was just freaking crazy and Everything to Everyone was like sitting under a clear night sky in the summer and looking at the stars.

I can't wait for the party at Josh's on the 16th, and then PAX at the end of the summer. These past few months I've been wasting my time chasing a silly dream. I learned the hard way that the only person you can count on is yourself, but still, I tried to believe. I've had to pick myself up and carry on from worse than this so I'll be fine. I can handle anything by myself. What other choice do I have anyway?

I guess I've been a little depressed lately, I've holed myself up in my apartment a bit. That would normally not be so bad since I have a lot of video games I want to get through, but I haven't really found the motivation to do anything. Rawr. I have managed to clean up the apartment a little bit at least. I guess I just don't like feeling detached from the world like this. I can't wait to move out of this place in February, hopefully get a place with Angie, eventually end up in Japan or Florida or California or something...I know I'm young but I'm eager for my life to start.

I want to feel like there's a place I can call home again.